It's been an insanely crazy busy month with finally an end in sight soon enough (for a little while at least). I started to write a "poor me" depressing post yesterday but decided to stop myself because despite a lot of the negative things I've been experiencing lately, there is some good.
Miss Autumn belle has been improving speech-wise but her sensory issues seem to be getting more noticeable whenever were out in public and it doesn't help that she's up when the sun rises and doesn't fall asleep until it's dark out so we've been experiencing long days here. The only perk is taking her into the pool. It's where we both feel at ease and sleep more soundly at night after a day of water and sun.
In addition, this is Belle's final week of EI. She ends on Wednesday and then it's vacation/birthday celebration time. It's also very bitter sweet and it hit me like a ton of bricks while I was driving last week. I can't believe EI is going to be over?! When did this happen? I know I've written about my EI experiences before and love that we've had such a passionate and loving team of therapists who continued to stay consistent and with us even during the move. They were there when we got her diagnosis. They were there during those long winter months when nothing seemed to be going right. They were our light out of this dark facade. Her therapists commitment and perseverance has paid off. We went to have another eval at the school last week and the case manager and Autumn's new speech therapist (her school one), couldn't get over how affectionate and social she was being. They had even questioned her diagnosis for a moment until a routine/OCD tantrum came into play. The case manager stated that they rarely see such jumps in development within a year like Autumn exhibited. I know this is all in part to her therapists working so hard with helping her gain these milestones. Like I've said before, who knows where Autumn would be today if I never got EI involved. Sure, I'm positive I would've helped her as much as I know how, but those extra tools and techniques have transformed this family. I'm going to miss them so much. Thank goodness for cell phones and being close enough to visit.
So what's next? In two weeks, miss Belle has her evals for speech and OT at the clinic and then the IEP with the school district. It's hard to believe that only a few months ago, I was thinking of opting out completely regarding her starting school this fall, but I've realized that it would be doing her a disservice and this is not about me or something personal I've done. I don't see or hear my spouse or other family members taking Autumn's limitations personally like I've done, so why continue to try to be superwoman when I know realistically, I'm human and far from being the perfect mom. Plus, it's about doing what's best for my daughter even if that makes me feel vulnerable and giving in to continued additional help and support. There's nothing wrong with this and I realize it now. If I don't do this for her, who will? So she will begin school half-time this fall. Depending on how well she does and thrives, we may send her full-time half year. Again, it's a wait and see decision. At the clinic, she will receive therapies twice a week: two sessions a day so we will be busy come fall.
With the end of EI also surfaces a lot of emotions that I've been experiencing. The "I can't believe a year had gone by" feelings of bittersweetness. It hurts because part of me is excited to see the year go and Autumn turn three but then another part of me feels like I didn't truly enjoy her being two because of how busy and focused I've been on getting her therapies to better her skills, among other things. It's a double-edged sword for sure. I know that I need to just cut my losses, be proud of how far she's come, and enjoy each day within the moment and that's my goal this summer for the both of us.
Over the next few weeks I'm going to be busy but will try to update my page and try my best to write here. After this past year, some down time is long overdue.
This is Autumn's birthday crown that her DI does for each of her kids who are aging out. Can't believe it's complete. Bittersweet for sure! My baby is graduating EI on Wednesday!