Anywho, Autumn has been doing stellar. She recently had her discharge evals through EI and has made tremendous progress. For instance, her expressive language went up from 6-9 months a year ago to 24-27 months! Was I doing a happy dance when I heard that? You betcha I was!! She did well in all of the other areas of development, but we still need to work on the reciprocal piece of language and her sensory issues, which can limit her ability to focus and stay on task.
The eval at the school went well. It was short (thank goodness) and the school psychologist was efficient. She didn't do a lot of things bc of non-compliance, which we figure would occur. I must add that I love that her EI team all checked in with me to see how Autumn made out. As much as I'm looking forward to EI ending so that I can have some free time, I'm going to miss her therapists dearly. They've been like family to us. I'm sure they will miss Autumn as well, but it's time to move forward, which brings me to my "topic of conversation" today that I've been meaning to share for weeks now.
This is the time of year of celebration. It's graduation mode everywhere, which is a sign of growing up and moving on with life. Any who, I know Autumn isn't "graduating" per say, from school, but she's moving on from EI and this is where I get emotional. So you all know how torn I've been about sending her to school this fall. How I've feared the unknown and worry about how she will adjust without her mama bird there holding her hand through the way. My emotions have been raw and have challenged me in different lights, but deep down, I know what I have to do in order to give my daughter the best chance in life. I was listening to the radio as I normally do on my excursions outside of the home and one of my favorite songs came on the radio. As a child I never really took the time to understand the song and what it could mean to me personally, but when I heard it this day, it hit me as if I was sucker punched into my stomach.
This line in particular: "I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you."
Isn't that the truth. For the past three years of my daughter's life, every single decision I've had to make has had Autumn in mind from taking a shower to seeing a client, Autumn's needs has always come first. Just like many parents, I too find myself neglecting me in order to give her my all. Will this stop? Probably not, but just listening to this song made me stop into my tracks and realize that as Ms. Stevie Nicks says, "Time makes you bolder, children get older and I'm getting older too".
It was in those sobbing moments that I knew it's time to start letting her go. Meaning letting her go to school on her own and putting my trust into God's hands that everything will be okay. It was also in those moments that I realized I need to also start living for me too. Whether that's gardening, exercising, getting more in touch with my spiritual side or working again as a therapist, I know that I too need to stop beating myself up with guilt over this decision to send her to school and over my decision to want to do something for me for a change (work again).
I firmly believe those "aha" moments happen when we need them the most. So as everyone celebrates their child or children moving on up this June (whether in age, school, life, etc.), remember to go through your own emotions, let it all out, take a deep breath, and be proud of this moment. As difficult and scary the unknown is for us all, if you believe, God will see you through it.
Xoxo,
Trish
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