Thursday, October 1, 2015

Missing Autumn

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I've been missing Autumn so much since she's started full-day school this past September. 

I find myself keeping busy just to pass the time. 

Work? Check.
House Cleaned? Check.
Errands Completed? Check.
Exercise time? Check.

I guess this is what it must feel like when the little birdies leave the nest. 

I thought that I would be happier with her at school all day only to find myself more lonelier than before. I keep checking the clock as to when she'll be home. I keep holding my breath and closing my eyes hoping time will fly by until she's home with me again. I keep finding myself surrounded by the memories of our lives once prior, just her and me home together, therapy appointments, lunch dates, and lots of Disney Frozen. 

Damn, change sucks. Maybe I should get another puppy or have another baby, but I know that they won't change the fact that Autumn is growing up too darn fast on me. Still, might help mend my broken heart. 

So I've been dealing with my grief and loneliness of being separated from my sweet Autumn belle by staying as insanely busy as possible so that I don't find myself crying to myself throughout the day. Thank goodness for my work families and a house always needing to be cleaned. 

What to do, what to think... Is this feeling normal? My OCD states otherwise. The silver lining in this all is that as cliché as this may sound, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Thus, when we're together, we make the best of our afternoons and evenings. I'm trying my best to cherish those moments. Even the screaming meltdown ones because as crazy as this sounds, I sometimes miss them too now.

Overall, I'm trying to adapt to the new changes in our lives, but it hasn't been easy for me. I'm back to feeling depressed most days with the summer pool season over and the fall leaves/melancholy weather here to stay. 

However, Autumn is doing much better than me for sure. Who would've thought right? Well I kind of knew she'd be alright and me stuck being the blubbery mess of a helicopter parent that I am. As difficult it has been for me to let go more and more for her to grow and become independent, I know it's the change that SHE needs in order to prosper in her life. Still, I'm allowed to miss my baby girl. 

Thus butterflies, enjoy your babies. Hold them, hug them, love them, and never take the time you have with them for granted because one day they will leave you and once they do, they'll never look back like we do wishing they were little again. Enjoy those memories too. Capture them in pictures. Lots of selfies and lots of love and laugher too. Like the one:


Trish, aka- a crying, sappy probably overbearing mama bear who loves her Autumn belle more than life itself.