I admit, I was one of "those moms", feeling like I had to "defend" certain topics in hopes that someone would approve of my parenting style and reassure me that I got this, "raising a child" thing down. When all in all, I didn't need anyone else's approval or support to tell me I was doing a good job, except maybe my husband.
Thus, I happily raised my white flag in victor the day that my daughter received her autism diagnosis because everything up to that day no longer mattered. None of that petty shit was on my "defend list" anymore because I realized in those moments that there will be bigger battles ahead that will have nothing to do with what transpired within the first year or two of Belle's life. I had no choice, but to become stronger and resilient in many areas of life as a mother and a person in order to move forward for Autumn's sake.
Also, when it comes down to it, I realized that no one really gives a crap as to how you "parent" your child, except your child. Who knows, perhaps in twenty-five years they'll be blaming you as to why their life turned out the way it did and I guarantee they will not complain about whether you "nursed them enough" or if they wore "cloth diapers" (unless they're bloody face from AHS-serious fan here- then maybe they will, joking!, insert LOL). Or maybe they'll be in college, living at home, on their own, married, kids of their own, etc., the opportunities are endless here. Regardless of where our children may be in the future, they'll STILL need our love and support and honestly, that's all that they will care about once they become adults themselves (scary bittersweet thought). Just like most of us "may" still need our parent/parents in our lives for emotional support. The cycle will continue.
Having a special needs child diagnosed with autism changed my mindset, my focus, and helped me realize that there are so many more important things worth my time. I grew up a lot on her "D-day" and that feeling has been humbling. However, I feel that if we do decide to give it another go in the future, I'll be prepared, more confident in my choices as a parent, and won't need an "audience of approval". Since having my first being a "butterfly", well, it makes this parenting road a little more interesting and unpredictable, but I've learned that's parenting in general.
Thus, my journey isn't "greater" or "more difficult" than other parents and our opinions most likely differ, but if it's one thing we all can agree upon is that we love our children more than we'd ever thought possible. So for any new/soon-to-be parents out there, my best advice is, none. This is YOUR journey to take, your story to tell. It's not my place or position to say anything indifferent. In time, you may learn to take it all in stride and to not waste your time defending what "you do" as a parent. It took my daughter's diagnosis confirmation for me to realize the above.
However, I will say this one thing and this goes for all parents out there: You ARE the expert on your child. No textbook will give you the answers. That's 100% the truth. Remember that!
Xoxo,
Trish
(This post was inspired by seeing all of these "mommy debate" blog posts throughout my news feeds. Below is a picture of Belle and me when she was ten days old. See the tired look in my eyes/face. She was also crying in this picture. Adjusting to the "newness" of motherhood/babyhood together.)
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