Missing Autumn

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I've been missing Autumn so much since she's started full-day school this past September. 

I find myself keeping busy just to pass the time. 

Work? Check.

House Cleaned? Check.

Errands Completed? Check.

Exercise time? Check.

I guess this is what it must feel like when the little birdies leave the nest. 

I thought that I would be happier with her at school all day only to find myself more lonelier than before. I keep checking the clock as to when she'll be home. I keep holding my breath and closing my eyes hoping time will fly by until she's home with me again. I keep finding myself surrounded by the memories of our lives once prior, just her and me home together, therapy appointments, lunch dates, and lots of Disney Frozen. 

Damn, change sucks. Maybe I should get another puppy or have another baby, but I know that they won't change the fact that Autumn is growing up too darn fast on me. Still, might help mend my broken heart. 

So I've been dealing with my grief and loneliness of being separated from my sweet Autumn belle by staying as insanely busy as possible so that I don't find myself crying to myself throughout the day. Thank goodness for my work families and a house always needing to be cleaned. 

What to do, what to think... Is this feeling normal? My OCD states otherwise. The silver lining in this all is that as cliché as this may sound, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Thus, when we're together, we make the best of our afternoons and evenings. I'm trying my best to cherish those moments. Even the screaming meltdown ones because as crazy as this sounds, I sometimes miss them too now.

Overall, I'm trying to adapt to the new changes in our lives, but it hasn't been easy for me. I'm back to feeling depressed most days with the summer pool season over and the fall leaves/melancholy weather here to stay. 

However, Autumn is doing much better than me for sure. Who would've thought right? Well I kind of knew she'd be alright and me stuck being the blubbery mess of a helicopter parent that I am. As difficult it has been for me to let go more and more for her to grow and become independent, I know it's the change that SHE needs in order to prosper in her life. Still, I'm allowed to miss my baby girl. 

Thus butterflies, enjoy your babies. Hold them, hug them, love them, and never take the time you have with them for granted because one day they will leave you and once they do, they'll never look back like we do wishing they were little again. Enjoy those memories too. Capture them in pictures. Lots of selfies and lots of love and laugher too. Like the one:

Xoxo,

Trish, aka- a crying, sappy probably overbearing mama bear who loves her Autumn belle more than life itself. 

Things NOT to Say to Special Needs Parents

Being a special needs parent to an autistic child, I often receive comments in regards to my child as well as intriguing questions from others. Most comments and questions have been sincere, but there's those few that drive me up the wall bonkers. The ones that make me want to roll my eyes and take deep breaths before responding. Here are some of my favorite ones (insert my eye roll). 

1. "She's so beautiful. She doesn't look Autistic."- Autism doesn't have "a look". Then again, all special needs and autistic individuals are some of the most beautiful humans on earth. I guess they're the closest things to Angels. 

2. "She'll be okay. She'll grow out of it."- Really? Are you sure about that? I didn't realize Autism is something that someone can "grow out of". It's a neurological disorder, which means it affects the brain and is LIFELONG. So for those of you who can't accept that someone you may care about/love won't "grow out of it", well I'm suggesting that you start. 

3. "My kid does (insert behavior) too."- Yes, there's going to be overlap in behaviors that special needs/ autistic individuals may share with their neurotypical peers, but chances are, those behaviors that you say your child does, he/she will be able to overcome them or they're not consistent/an everyday occurrence. Many special needs/autistics have to be taught to overcome some of their behaviors...easier said than done. 

4. "She's had all of this therapy. Is she at least talking/getting better?" - Progress is progress no matter how slow it may seem. To ask a question like this seems rather insulting to parents, especially to those of them whose child may not be progressing at the rate someone else "expects" them to progress. Parents and therapists as well as the child work diligently to master certain goals. Never undermine their progress. 

5. "She seems so great right now. She really doesn't appear to be autistic." -This one is probably my favorite and I know that people say this one because they're trying to make me feel better I suppose. However, just because someone has a brief interaction with a special needs child on a good day, doesn't mean this is 24/7, because it's not. Maybe they seem great right now because they're in their home or doing something they love. Or maybe they're doing so well because of all of the help and therapies they're receiving. Never pacify the work that the family/child has achieved. Saying the above line sometimes feels like receiving a slap in the face because it feels as if one believes my child never needed all of this help to begin with and again, another way of pacifying her autism. If my child is doing well, it's taken much time and patience to get to the place that she's currently at. It wasn't an easy journey to say the least. 

6. "Relax. Let her be a kid. You don't need to be on top of her all of the time."-Okay (insert my sarcastic laugh). Unless you're a parent or know what it's like to have a child who has zero fear of danger, shut your mouth. Do you honestly think I personally enjoy having to watch my child like a hawk whenever we're out anywhere public such as when we're at the park or on the beach? It's a little difficult to relax when my child is a known bolter and has zero fear of danger. This can also be said for many special needs parents. Does the term "hypervigilant" ring a bell? If not, go research that one. 

7. "If I had her for a day, I bet I can make her do xyz." -Please, I would LOVE the help. If you can get her to eat such and such and stop screaming because of sensory overload in a day, I promise that I'll pay for that dream vacation you always desired. Saying such lines to special needs parents isn't helpful. It's downright rude and again, undermines our children and our parenting. We're trying our best and the last thing we need is to hear how you're going to "cure" our child.

8. "I heard that autism comes from (insert latest findings). Did you take that/do that while you were pregnant?" - Even though Autism has been around for years, there's little that we know as to what truly causes Autism, but most research suggest genetics with some environmental variations. So to ask if there's something I did or another mother did while pregnant gives us the assumption that we caused our kids to be autistic or have special needs. Just let that one sit in for a minute. Re-read the question and imagine how rude that sounds and hurtful. There's NOTHING I did or my other special needs moms and dads did to cause their child to be autistic/have special needs. Autism is like one's hair color. Some will have it, others won't. Just like some are blonde and others are brunette. Genetics 101 baby. As complex as that. 

9. "I know so and so's child, cousin, neighbor and they do xyz. How come your child does/doesn't do that?" - Ladies and gentleman, autism is a spectrum, which means that just because my child exhibits certain characteristics and the other person you've encountered that's autistic as well does something else, doesn't mean they're both more or less autistic. Thus, Autism Spectrum is as broad as a beautiful rainbow. The variations/autistic characteristics will differ pending each individual. Just because he doesn't act like "rain man" or she isn't a "Temple Grandin" doesn't mean they're not autistic. Don't compare one Autistic person to another. Just don't compare period.

10. "Will she be okay? I mean what does her future look like? Will she be able to do xyz?". -I know when people ask me this question, it does come from a place of concern. However, just like anyone, I don't know what my child's future holds. All I can do is continue to support her growth no matter what and stay positive. That's all any special needs parents can do: continue to have faith that things will get better in time and that our children will be okay as long as they have the supports they need set in place.

My last one:

11. "How do you do it? I give you so much credit...I could never..." -Ummm thanks, but I have no choice. This is my life and if anyone else had dealt the same cards, they too would adapt. You do what you gotta do. I am no more better a parent than anyone else out there. I love my child and will continue to take care of her autistic or not. I made the decision to become a parent. I'm in this for the long haul. The same can be said about every single special needs parent I know. They are some of the strongest people out there. The only thing that's missing is their cape, but they'd say the same thing: they have no choice, but to parent their children, special needs or not, with love, respect and kindness. 

Lastly, instead of asking the above questions/making some of the comments above, my best advice is to say/ask this one to the special needs parent in your life:

"You definitely have your plate full. Is there anything that I can do to help? I'm here for you, even if it's just someone to listen. You're doing such an amazing job. (Insert child's name) is so lucky to have you as their parent. Again, what can I do to help."

Asking to help will go a long way. Special needs parents often feel isolated and alone so reaching out is extremely important and will carry its weight in gold. My response will always be: "sure, I need an unlimited supply of coffee and perhaps some babysitting once in a while? That would be nice. Thank you." 

Xoxo,

Trish 

Hypervigilance is Real

It's 2am and the sounds of rustling are heard over the static of the baby monitor that set her off like an alarm clock to start one's day. Awaken, she looks up and there is her precious daughter standing at the edge of her door. Thankfully, she climbs into bed with her, but what if? What if she decided to open the latch on the French doors and went outside? What if mom didn't wake up because she didn't hear that noise? What if, as things could always be worse. Mom always waits to go back to sleep once she's asleep because these thoughts plague her mind. 

Raising a child with autism who has a tendency to bolt, can cause much anxiety for the parents, in which that anxiety can turn "helicopter parenting" into something more along the extremes of Hypervigilance. 

Now for those reading this and asking themselves, "what is hypervigilance?" It's a term often used for those who have an extreme heightened sense of their surroundings, who, often times, scan for dangers and threats. This is something that unfortunately many who suffer from PTSD go though, especially our soldiers. I had read about this condition and how some parents of autistic individuals also suffer from this and it hit me like a ton of bricks: It is something that as a parent to an autistic child I suffer from and I hate it. 

I don't want anyone reading this to think I'm comparing the stress levels of being a parent to a child with autism to that of a soldier here, this is just going by my own personal experience and feelings. 

As Autumn grows older, I've become more hypervigilant when it pertains to her overall safety. It is incredibly difficult for me to relax and let my guard down. Wherever we go, I am constantly scanning places and imagining the "worst case scenarios" and what I need to do, prepare myself, if they occur. I spend much of my time making sure said bad things don't occur/happen to Autumn and It's not a life that I want to live, but it's one of the only ways I can keep my daughter safe. This is about her overall safely here, which has turned me into a constant watchdog since Autumn still struggles with understanding forms of danger. 

As I meet more parents of special needs children and autistics, I'm learning that these feelings I have are typical of most of us. We can't go anywhere without worry and frustration of the "what if" triggers, the potential for meltdowns, bolting, and the judgments of a society that isn't built to accommodate our children. We are constantly fighting, advocating, and appear overbearing, uptight, as well as anxious because of the fears and worry we have once our sight leaves theirs. Even at home, relaxation isn't always achieved.

For instance, for us, dinner time is the worst, as there are so many triggers that may set Autumn off and into a frenzy. I try my best to make it a stress-free experience, but it usually never works out that way. If her food touches one another, too much light, sound, words being said, etc., it can trigger her to scream bloody murder and meltdown. She also sometimes starts to choke on her food because of over stuffing and we have to remind her to take small bites and to drink her juice when she eats too much. Even when we eat separately, there's problems. Each evening is different so these "meltdowns" can be inconsistent and unpredictable. Then there's going out anyplace outside of our home. Anytime she hears a child make a loud noise, she will scream and put her hands over her ears. Each and every time. 

I haven't even gotten started on me leaving Autumn for a second to go to the bathroom or clean up the dishes. I find her doing things that could truly hurt her (climbing on furniture, trying to pull the blinds open, etc.). Then there's her running and bolting. Even in our backyard we have to stay on top of her. It can be exhausting chasing her all over the place. It still feels like we have a two year old and not a four year old who may listen when we tell them to "stop" or "come here". Even leaving her with others hasn't been easy (thank goodness for background checks and Facebook stalking to make sure people, including her teachers, are legit.). 

I'm sure some of you may be thinking I'm being overprotective, overdoing it, paranoid, etc.,. Well walk a mile in my shoes and maybe you'd understand. This is what most parents of special needs children and adults go through on a daily basis. I haven't even brushed the surface here. Hypervigilance for parents and caregivers raising special needs individuals is real. I wish I could change it about me. I wish I could just let go and let be, and believe me, I'm doing better, but it's  taken me time to get there. I hope that one day I can truly let my guard down and trust Autumn and others who care for her. I wish I could just go someplace and not have to fear for her safety or explain why I hover over her because of my own fears of her getting hurt (like down the shore or at the park) as I have to constantly remind her and teach her about safety and danger risks as she still doesn't comprehend them like maybe a typical child would.

Sometimes it's just easier to not expose ourselves to certain risks, but as a therapist, I know the only way I can overcome these obstacles within is to face them head on. It hasn't been easy to say the least. I also know that Hypervigilance is a form of anxiety, in which I suffer from but have made great strides overcoming. However, since having Autumn and her autism diagnosis, it's starting to creep back up again. This is why I exercise. This is why I meditate. This is why I write a blog and consult with my therapist colleagues, family and friends. 

I wish I can tell other parents who are also going though this that it will get better in time. That the anxiety and Hypervigilance will go away, but it's easier said than done. As a community, we need more supports for parents and caregivers. We need to come together and help one another and say that it's okay to feel this way, but it's not a constant way to live and what can we do to change this or at least decrease being on edge all of the time. I wish I had more answers. 

So for those who are reading this, who know parents raising special needs children that seem to be struggling with some of the similarities that I've shared above, my best advice is to ask them how you can help and to stop your judgments. Us special needs parents already have to endure so much and often times feel isolated and alone. We need help sometimes too even though we may act like were okay and have everything together. 

Lastly, this post has been extremely difficult for me to write and has taken me some time to do so. This is part of my reality that I wish I could change. It's a battle that I'm uncertain as to when it will end. All I can do is share my story in hopes that they help others going through similar battles know that they're not alone. 

Xoxo,

Trish 

"The journey's often uncertain as that is life."

Autumn's Paradise: Vacationing "Down the Shore"

"There's a place that she calls her own, which feels similar to home. Where the waves glisten in the sun as they crash down onto her tiny feet. Sand in her hair, everywhere, caked onto her skin, but she doesn't care. She loves the feeling of water and sand as she runs freely during low-tide. This is a place that she can finally be free. Where no one sees her autism, just a young girl enjoying the sea. This is a place that may be simple to you and me, but to Autumn, it's her kind of paradise and where she's meant to be."-Trish P., Autumn's Paradise

Summertime tends to be when many families take vacation. A years worth of planning jammed into one week of fun surrounded by the people they love. Some go to amusement parks, popular beaches, the mountains, all-inclusive resorts, cruises. Some travel by airplane, pack up the car and leave towards their destinations at 3am as the kids sleep soundly, or if they're like me, wide awake full of excitement. Then there are those of us who choose to stay close to home or plan day trips because it can be too expensive to go anywhere for a week during the summer months. Plus, sometimes the familiar is bliss. 

This year, I really wanted to go on a family vacation. I researched destination spots, calculated numbers, looked at weeks that the husband could use his vacation time, etc.,. In the end, we spent our time at my husband's grandfather's shorehouse. A place that I've grown to love and feel incredibly blessed and spoiled to have within my and my family's life. A house that has been in his family for well over sixty years. A house that survived the destruction of Superstorm Sandy barely damaged. A place filled with memories of happier times. It's where my husband spent every waking moment each summer as a child, where he proposed, and where our daughter felt the ocean water for the first time in her infant life. 

Going "down the shore" (how we Jersey folks say it) has become my daughter's favorite place in the entire world. Just like her father, she's addicted to the ocean waves. She's able to run and play and be a kid. Still, I have to keep a constant eye on her as she's a known bolter and she still doesn't understand the power of water, thus her safety is always a top priority while were there. I often spend time portraying goalie on the shoreline as she runs after the seagulls or wants to spend time in the water. No beach bums here, were in the water. No relaxing for this family, were walking along the shore looking for sea glass or in my case, keeping constant watch of Autumn. And they said going to the beach is "the easy life", not when your Autumn's mom and Autumn makes the energizer bunny look like a turtle as to how busy she is along the shoreline. My fitbit goes into overdrive the days were at the beach!

I'll be honest, going down the shore wouldn't have been my first destination of choice mainly because of the above. Add the outsiders asking intrusive questions, Autumn's random sensory triggers and it becomes exhausting to the point that I can't wait to leave and take a vacation from my vacation! 

However, the silver lining of it all and my entire point here is despite how I personally feel, despite the exhaustion, the questions, possible judgments, the drive (oh don't get me started, one word: GSP, Jersey people know my pain), seeing her little face light up and smile whenever her toes touch the sand and water is worth every moment of my personal discomforts. 

For instance, for a few brief moments, Autumn would grab my hand and the two of us would walk the shoreline together. No words. Just the two of us taking in the views and smells of the ocean breeze. I looked down at her as she looked up at me with a grin on her face that said, "I'm having a great time!" and then she let go of my hands and ran to the nearest water pool, jumping and splashing her little feet. Then there's the sitting in the sand building sandcastles together down by the water's edge (more like mountains, but who's judging). Autumn would take a break from digging to sit her wet, sandy self in my lap giving me her pressure squeezes. Despite my own sensory system going into overdrive, to be able to sit with my girl and enjoy that moment is something that I'll cherish forever. These are the memories that I'll take with me into old age. The ones that I'll look back on and smile and forget the hard moments, but just the good ones. 

Thus, vacations aren't easy. We forget about the kids being off-balanced, the meltdowns, tantrums, overpriced items, and the long lines, as we filter out the negative and only choose to remember the outcome and positives moments.

Maybe I didn't get that "dream family vacation" away to someplace exotic, what I got was even better: a daughter within her own version of paradise and that's pretty darn perfect. Plus, I had a great time and the best part of it all, Autumn did as well! 

Xoxo,

Trish 

We Survived

(Exhales out) whew, we did it, we made it through Autumn's first year of preschool. I know it may not seem like anything to celebrate due to pretty much almost every child attending preschool is commonplace, but for us, it was yet another milestone to add to the parenting hall of gain. 

Not many parents can say that their child has an IEP going into preschool at 3 or can say that their child is autistic, which means the journey down the educational road will be quite long and possibly a rocky/bumpy ride, but I can. This past year was just the beginning of the many years to come when it pertains to my daughter's education and our experiences with the CST and school district as well as the many teachers, therapists, and other students that we will encounter all in due time. It's definitely not easy hearing all of the opinions of "professionals" stating what is "wrong" or "needs improvements" in regards to a small child who happens to be the love of your life. It took much pride swallowing and letting go this year in order to survive the not so pretty moments of Autumn being in preschool, but we did it and I can honestly say that I'm happy we did.

I've learned that just because my daughter needs extra help in life that I need to take the reigns and accept it. That there's nothing wrong with ME or my parenting that Autumn requires special education. I learned to limit the pity parties and feeling sorry for myself and to look at this alternate venture as an opportunity to become my greater self. Plus, I absolutely love and adore her school, teachers, therapists, and aides who've worked diligently to carve a small place within Autumn's overall future and her heart. They've definitely made their way into mine ❤️

For the parents out there getting ready to send their kids to school for the first time and are overwhelmed with emotion, its going to be okay. Feel how you feel, but don't stay there for too long. Yes, it doesn't feel fair to send your "baby" off to  school full/half days at barely three, but I promise you, you'll learn to love this new change, you'll adapt and you will get through this. Plus, think about all of the cute art work and projects they'll bring home, which will also be worth it. Above all, you're in excellent company. I will continue to be here to support the good moments and the bad. Remember, you're not alone. All the best!

Xoxo,

Trish 

(Left picture, her first day, right picture, her last day of pre-k 3)

My Best Advice

As many of you know, I'm a mother to a beautiful young daughter diagnosed with Autism. She's the light of my life and has brought so much happiness into my world, but at the same time, a lot of mixed emotions and do I dare say, stress, and plenty of it.

Even as a mental health professional and a self-proclaimed "wellness expert", I'm not immune to struggling to find a balance within and can often loose my temper due to the stress of it all knocking at my front door. It sometimes takes the best out of me, but has also provided me with strength and resilience when I've needed it most. 

Being a mother to a child with special needs as well as working for Early Intervention Services as a Behavioral Specialist, I find that some of my families lean on me for mental/moral support and I welcome it. I want to be there for my families in order to help guide them down the best path possible as I was once wearing those new "special needs parent" shoes that have since been worn in. 

I've been asked on numerous occasions by many what my best advice is to give to newly diagnosed families or just to any special needs family in general, and this is my staple that I live and abide by every single day of my newfound life as both a special needs mother and mental health professional: 

Take it "one day at a time."

Yes, I know, a very cliche saying often used among those struggling with addiction/mental illness, but it can also apply to those of us raising special needs individuals.

For instance, throughout most of my life I've struggled with anxiety and depression. I've been able to keep the black knights at bay due to developing coping skills that have since helped me grow into the person I am today. When Autumn was born and just a small baby, I would cry just thinking about her future as it seem so uncertain. I would worry myself sick over nonsense things that were completely out of my control. Even once she received her diagnosis, I spent much of my time reflecting on the whys and how's that I lost sight on the present and the good that she was doing. 

I became (and still do at times bc I'm not perfect) easily stressed and would cry often because as much as I like to think I have control over our lives, I too felt isolated, scared and alone, staring down at the journey of our future together with confusion, worry and sometimes doubt, not knowing if things would be okay with her or with me. I still don't know and probably will never know what precisely is in store for us, but to sit here in panic over the "what ifs" is a sign of a wasted life. I had to teach myself to stop doing this for too long as it would cause me to become angry and resentful, questioning my entire being. Not only did this over-worrying do the above to me, but it took away some amazing moments that have since been stored within my memory box in which I'll never get back again.

Thus, newly diagnosed parents and parental gaurdians of special needs individuals, do me a favor: don't sit in sorrow absorbed within the "what ifs" for too long. Yes, feel those feelings of pain, hurt, saddness, anger, blame, and even regret, but don't let the above emotions overtake the good ones. Trust me when I say, taking it "one day at a time" is the best option within this life of ours. It will bring a sort of peace and tranquility and lessen those anxious feelings of worry as time moves forward.  

I know it sounds too good to be true and that not thinking or reflecting on our childs' future sounds passive, but it's not.  When we put too much emphasis on the future, sometimes the beautiful moments of the present pass us by. Before we know it, tomorrow becomes yesterday and yesterday becomes years ago. Father Time has a funny way of showing us how heavy he can be, but how much we will yearn to feel those lighter weights upon our shoulders when life moves forward. Plus, we will never get this day or moment in time ever again. My Autumn will never be a baby again or two or three on May 31st. 

Learning to take things one day at a time has also helped me appreciate and enjoy each moment we have together in the present. If I start thinking about what Autumn will be doing in September or when she's five, ten or twenty, it will cause me to go into a panic. I just can't think that far ahead, heck, I can't even plan my weekends anymore! I've chosen not to think too far or too much into the future becuse it's path is still unwoven among the threads of life. 

The taking things "one day at a time" approach has saved my sanity and has left me feeling confident as a parent and a professional. I no longer feel as jaded or emotional regarding Autumn and her future because I've chosen to not focus too much of my time and energy worrying about the above. It will be in my face and here before I know it. 

Now excuse me while I go and have a picnic with these two. 

"Time is a wheel in constant motion, always rolling us along. Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone?" 

-Lee Ann Womack 

Xoxo,

Trish 

Transitioning Into Preschool

Parents and caregivers, if you find yourself here, it must mean that you have a little one whose getting ready to age out of early intervention. Each state has their own criteria, but most are similar within their practices. What I'm disclosing is simply a guideline as to what I personally went through. Hopefully this helps those of you searching for some insight regarding the entire transitioning process. 

As most of you know, a child who meets the criteria for a "developmental delay" is eligible for early intervention services until the day before he/she turns three. Once they turn three, the public school district takes over until they're twenty-one. 

For those who have children receiving early intervention services, right around the time your child is two or two in a half, your service coordinator should've arranged for a transition planning meeting to discus whether or not you want to move forward with having your child evaluated for special education services within your town's school district. Here in NJ, once a parent/guardian confirms they want their child to be evaluated by the school district, the school has to contact the parent/guardian within ten days upon notice to arrange for the ID meeting to do exactly that: meeting your child and yourself and to discuss a plan of action. This meeting usually takes place 90 days before the child's third birthday. In addition, your service coordinator will send in the paperwork to the school district indicating the above. 

If parents aren't ready to start the transition into preschool, they can waive this option with their service coordinator at the transition planning meeting. However, if in the future the parent wants to have their child evaluated for special education services within their school district, they will have to write a letter indicting this and send it into the special education department. I almost decided to go this route, but changed my mind because I wanted to get the evaluation process done instead of waiting to do it at a later date. 

Once the transition planning meeting has occurred (usually in the home with the service coordinator and someone from the school district-with us, just the service coordinator), next is the ID meeting. It will be a good precursor of what an IEP meeting will look like, well at least for us it was. We had the entire child study team (CST) there: the case manager, social worker, learning consultant, speech and OT, as well as a special education teacher in the room. This can look intimidating for those who've never gone through a meeting such as this one, especially since it may be your first rodeo with your child's school district. I highly recommend bringing another adult with you to help with your child and to also give feedback regarding your child. My husband came with us and our service coordinator was going to attend, but she cancelled last second. Thank goodness my husband came because he was such a help with Autumn while I did all of the talking. 

So during the ID meeting, I chose to disclose her diagnosis with the CST. Parents, you don't have to do this. I did it because I don't care or feel ashamed of a label. After hearing everything, the CST determined Autumn was eligible for an eval for special education services. During our meeting, the CST stated she gets into their program just because of the diagnosis, but they had to go through the proper protocol of evals and the IEP. 

Please keep in mind that even if your child has a diagnosis or is receiving early intervention services that it doesn't guarantee he/she will be eligible to attend your district's special education program. For instance, one of my work kids wasn't eligible because they didn't meet the criteria, which for my school district I learned is being "developmentally delayed in one area up to 18 months". 

Once eligibility at the ID meeting (moving forward with evals) has been determined, you and your child will have to come back to the school possibly several times to complete evaluations. For Autumn, they used the Battelle Inventory (the same one they use in NJ to eval for eligibility of EI services) to assess her skill set. We did this over the course of two appointments as I had to answer questions as well. In addition, Autumn was evaluated by the speech therapist for speech and she was also evaluated for OT (occupational therapy). Luckily, her early intervention OT works for our school district and was able to evaluate her in our home. 

Once the evals are completed, the CST should be sending home via mail an overview of the evals to read/go over before the IEP meeting. Usually the IEP meeting is scheduled right before the child turns three for those who are transitioning into preschool from EI like Autumn. However, since Autumn is a summer baby, we had her meeting a little after her third birthday. We also declined her attending the extended summer program because of her only being able to go for a week and then being out again until September. 

Now, parents, you CAN choose to have your child attend the extended summer program if your child has a summer birthday, it's solely up to you. If your child has a birthday during those months and misses the extended summer program, discuss with the CST as to what you can do in the meantime. We chose to take Autumn to private therapies for speech and OT so that she didn't regress. Luckily, our insurance covers her therapies, but I know not everyone is as fortunate. If insurance doesn't cover therapies, look into state programs. Here in NJ we have Perform Care that may be able to offer behavioral therapy as well as respite services. Again, each state is different so check in with your service coordinator or case worker within your local school district. 

At the IEP meeting, the CST will discuss goals and outcomes and outline them accordingly. Before the IEP, write down your questions as well as your personal goals and come in there prepared. Make sure the CST answers them all and do not feel like a question or a goal that you have is silly or wasting time. This is your child were talking about here. My personal tip is that I highly recommend suggesting a communication log for your child's classroom (most will already have one in place) and for all of their school therapies so that you can carry over what's being practiced at school at home. If you forget to ask something, email your child's case manager. Again, I cannot stress enough the need for constant communication with the school. You want to be on the same page with the CST and classroom teachers so that your child receives the best care possible. Once the IEP meeting is complete, your child can attend school the very next day. They can attend preschool on their third birthday if that's what parents and caregivers choose to do.

I'm sure I'm forgetting things, but in the end, you can go through the entire process above and decide to not send your child. Here in NJ, you can decline services/decide not to send your child, but if you do decide to within the year, you won't have to endure the eval process again. It's tedious and time consuming (felt like that for me at least) so be prepared. 

Overall, this is a very emotional time. Sending your "baby" to school is going to be tough. I know for me it was very difficult to let her go, but I did it. Parents and caregivers, take some time to grieve and process this transition. Reach out to others for support because even though our butterflies going to school really is beneficial, they're still only 3 and not 5 going to school for the first time, which was very difficult for me to grasp. It's like sending your kid to kindergarten two years sooner. That's how it will feel. Plus, within special ed, they want consistency and five days a week. Autumn goes five days a week, half-days, because I wasn't ready to send her full-day just yet. I still battle the idea of sending her full-day (deep breaths, she's going next year whether I like it or not), but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. 

Overall, you (parents) are the expert on your child and you know what's best for him/her. Go with your intuition and do what's right. Sometimes putting one's pride aside is all it takes (well for me at least it was). This is just the stepping stone to a lifetime of advocating for your child. In the end, you both will survive and prosper, and I'll be here for you the entire way. 

Xoxo,

Trish