My Favorite Things: Top Educational and Therapeutic Tools For Early Childhood Development

As an early intervention therapist/behavioral specialist who primarily works with young children and as a mother to a young autistic daughter, I am always looking for the best learning tools to utilize during my therapy sessions as well as at home. 

The below is a very detailed list of my all-time favorite things (with pics and my personal descriptions) that I use during my therapy sessions and at home with Autumn. Lots of overlapping between developmental, PT, OT and Speech here. 30 items to be exact with some honorable mentions. Just too much to narrow down to a smaller number. 

As always, supervision is highly suggested and required for pretty much all of the items mentioned below (use common sense as well). 

In addition, please feel free to share this information with your family relatives and friends this holiday season who may be asking you what to get for your little butterfly. Most of the items mentioned are for younger children, but I'm sure older kids can use them as well! 

 Lastly, the tools/toys/items mentioned below are my personal favorites, this doesn't mean that you or your little will enjoy them or that you have to go out and buy and use them how I do. My descriptions and opinions of each item listed are derived from my personal opinions and from my experiences. Thus, just because it worked for my child or some of my work kids, doesn't mean it will work for yours. Parents, remember you are the expert on your child and know what he/she will like. 

Any questions or concerns regarding any of the below "favorites" should be followed up with your child's teachers/therapist team for recommendations/second opinions as well (weighted blanket, chewy tubes for example). I am not an expert on these items mentioned nor am I claiming to be one either. 

 

In no particular order, here's the list of My Favorite Things:

1. Puzzles (Melissa and Doug): I'm a huge "puzzle person" and all of my families know me as being the puzzle queen. Not only are learning puzzles fun, they can increase overall cognition, communication, and fine motor skills. Melissa and Doug puzzles are my favorite!! 

2. Dot paint- funny thing is, I haven't used this with my families, but Autumn loves them!! They're good for providing  input as well as being creative. Plus it's fun and easy cleanup. Most are washable as well. 

3. Chewy tubes- For our little seekers who enjoy biting down onto straws and who may bite in general...this one is a MUST have, but as always, it should be used under direct supervision. Autumn has her chews readily accessible and they've helped with providing sensory input as well. 

4. Parachute- Remember how much fun the large parachutes were in gym class?? Now imagine a smaller one that can be used at home. Most kids LOVE this one, but for some, it can be a bit overwhelming and may take time to warm up to. A favorite activity is having the child lay inside the parachute and with two adults, we lift them, rock and sing to them nursery rhymes leaving off the ends of the words. Helps with vestibular input as well. 

5. Bubbles- Kids LOVE bubbles!! They are so much fun and help work on isolating the index/pointing finger to get them to pop as well as the mouth muscles to help them blow. My favorite kind are the ones from Gymboree (pictured below). 

6. Books! Specifically board books for the littles- flip and see ones (Karen Katz), Eric Carle and Pete the Cat series are some of my favorites. Again, as a therapist I am known for my puzzles and my books because a.- it requires them to sit and listen, b.-children love to look at the pictures and there's so much interaction involved. c.- both expressive and receptive language can evolve from reading...my list goes on. 

7. Sensory balls- so much fun to explore these. They can also be used as figits depending on the size of the ball. 

8. Small trampoline with handles/trampoline- talk about getting the energy out and providing vestibular input! Always one of my favorites. Autumn loves hers!

9. Hot Wheels and Trains- Not only are they so much fun to play with, they help with establishing those first syllables and sounds! Add a track to this, even better. I use cars often as reinforcers with my kiddos. They love them! Autumn loves them too!

10. Weighted blanket/vest/body sock- This is one thing that I haven't invested in just yet with Autumn, but plan on doing so soon in order to help calm her as she's my little seeker who loves deep pressure. She already wears the weighted vest at school and she's used the body sock plenty of times during OT. For parents interested in these items, please make sure you work closely with your OT in making the right decision for your child. There's so many different weights and variations. OT direction/recommendations highly suggested before purchasing!

11. Play dough- Imaginary Play, sensory input, fine motor skills, cognition...you name it, play dough can provide. This one item can be hit or miss. Autumn never liked play dough when she was younger, but now enjoys it. Also, always monitor play dough usage because some kids like to eat it while exploring, plus it can be messy. 

 

12. Play tent- This is one of my personal favorites. It helps with a child's body awareness and can be a very calming, safe play for a child to play/go into. I love reading to Autumn in her play tents.

13. Legos- What kid doesn't like Legos?! They are the perfect toy to keep kids preoccupied for hours, using their imagination, fine motor skills and cognition building works of art. However, Autumn tends to be a bit possessive of her Legos, thus, they become a "no touch zone". Also, some Lego pieces can be choking hazards. Monitor usage while playing. 

14. Play food, specifically food to cut- This is another personal favorite of mine. I use the play food often during imaginative play in order to build social skills while pretending to "cook" and "share" the food we "make" together. The cutting foods help with fine/gross motor skills and of course with communication and cognition. My favorite is the Melissa and Doug set pictured below.

15. Animal figurines (little people sets for the younger ones).- One of Autumn's favorite things is taking out her animals and play pretending with them (or lining them up). I often use animals during my sessions in order to support speech by making those animal sounds and singing songs (Old McDonald come to mind?). 

16. Child easel- It only took us 10 months to finally build Autumn's but she LOVES it! She uses the chalk side more in order to practice writing her name as it's easier for her to do so while standing up. Hence, fine motor skills are at work, along with cognition and imagination. If using the side to paint/color, make sure an adult is around to supervise. I'm sure the last thing anyone wants is paint on the walls. 

17. Tea set/picnic set- Similar to the imaginative foods to cut, this is one of my other favorites! Turn-taking, sharing, manners, socialization, imagination, communication, self-help/adaptive play...the list goes on. If tea sets come with small parts, please monitor usage. We finally have allowed Autumn to use the spoons that were included in one of her sets because they were a choking hazard for children under 3.

18. Tunnel- Similar to the play tent, the tunnel can also be a safe haven for children to explore. I use it with some of my kids while setting up an obstacle course that works on following directions, joint attention and focus, as well as providing sensory input. 

19. Kinetic sand- Sensory play at its finest and it doesn't make a huge mess everywhere (easy to clean). 

20. Flash cards- large picture flash cards preferrably. I use flash cards with my kids to assess their receptive (pointing to the card) as well as expressive language. Autumn loves her cards. Not only did they assist with her association with objects/people/things/actions, her expressive/receptive language and volcabulary started to expand. Plus, she started to learn how to read words by using them as well. 

21. Play house toys (vacuum, broom, kitchen set, etc.)- One of the key elements in helping to build a child's social/emotional as well as self-help/adaptive skills, is for them to be given some responsibility and independence at a young age. Whether that's providing choices and having them do simple chores, kids LOVE to help and feel included. Play household items such as toy vacuums and brooms and kitchen sets are great for allowing a child to model the adult/parent during chores and teaches them so many wonderful things about helping others. These activities also expand on imaginary play. Pictured below are just a few examples of wide-array of play house toys.

22. Blocks/stacking cups/shape sorters- As a Developmental Therapist, one of my key areas that I work on with my littles is cognition. These simple toys are the stepping stones to cognitive development and what will be a requirement for kindergarten: knowing their colors, how to count to 10, big to small/small to big, shapes, in/out and up/down prepositions, hide and seek activities, hand coordination, focus, etc., the list goes on...Here are some of my favorites pictured below.

23. Mr. Potato Head- Yes, this one toy gets his own number! Using a simple Mr. potato head works on so many different areas of development with young children: body part identification, fine motor skills, proprioceptive input (pushing and pulling the parts in/out of Mr. Potato Head), imaginary play, etc. It's also one of my favorite tools to use when working on body part identification with my kiddos and with Autumn when she was younger. 

24. Signing time- If there's one educational tool that I firmly believe increases overall communication, it's this! I may be a bit bias here, but I know Autumn's speech improved dramatically because of watching Signing Time frequently. It's fun, interactive, educational, and "Miss Rachel" (that's what she's known as in our household) singing and signing makes it easy for anyone to learn how to use sign language. Plus, Autumn not only can say these words, she signs and signs appropriately. She will most likely stick to learning sign language as she grows older. For those reluctant to buy, see if your local library has any of the first season of Signing Time there. Disc 2-12 are my favorites, specifically 2,3,4,5,6. Also, check out on YouTube as well. 

25. Water table (outside play for the warmer months)- This is for the warmer months and for outside play. Playing with water is always fun. Kids will learn how to "fill up" and "empty" the water from the cups. Plus, this is a simple activity that may help some kids afraid of being splashed become desensitized to water. As always, Adult supervision required during play.

26. Bean bag chair/bean bags- This is something I'm personally looking to add to our list for Autumn this year. She is a sensory seeker who is always looking for input. I imagine that being able to jump an sit in a bean bag chair will help soothe her a bit as well as having bean bags to play obstacle games at home that will provide her with input. 

27. Push and pull apart toys- Another sensory area that works on providing proprioceptive input with joints/muscles that also involves joint attention. I don't have these yet, but they've always been a toy that I want to buy for my work families. Another one on my list this year. 

28. Pretend sew and string beads kit- Here's one of my favorite tools that work on fine motor skills and cognition. It's not as simple as it seems and may take lots of time and patience for the littles to learn how to do the activities, but once they do, they love this. I'll be honest, these activities were probably one of Autumn's least favorites to try when she was younger because she would become easily agitated and upset whenever she didn't get the string in right, but once she got the hang of it, she learned to love it!

29. Baby Dolls- Along the lines of "household pretend play", baby dolls also tap into a child's area of social/emotional development. Plus, for other children who may have younger siblings in the future, playing with baby dolls can teach them how to be "gentle", among other things, to help prepare for a sibling arrival. The list goes on.

30. Triangle-shaped washable crayons/jumbo crayons for the little ones- These are my two all-time favorite coloring tools that help with that pencil grasp! They are fabulous and can be found pretty much anywhere. Make sure they are washable!!

So that's my list of my favorite things as not only a therapist, but as a mommy to a special-needs child. 

However, I will add some honorably mentions that I didn't include in my list:

Sidewalk chalk

iPad/tablet

Bounce Balls 

(These are probably already owned in many households and their benefits are known for all children, which is why I didn't want to focus on these too much). 

I hope that my list gives some ideas and suggestions for many this holiday season. Happy Shopping!

Xoxo,

Trish 

Noticing Differences

One of my most favorite traits in Autumn is her love for people and how she lights up whenever she sees other children, in particular. She will go right up to them, try and give them one of her "pressure hugs", grab their hand, and even though no words are spoken by her, she brings them over to where she wants to play. Or sometimes Autumn will jump up and down with such delight and vocally stim with excitement. 

All the above seems well and good within our world together, but as she grows older and as I integrate her in with society, I am noticing a shift within others. I'm noticing the kids who ignore her, the children who walk away, give her dirty looks and stares and I'm also noticing their parents doing this as well. These are the parents who won't even strike up a conversation with you after you've said "hello", but as soon as another person walks in the room, they're all over them like jelly on toast. I sense their anxiety, them being uncomfortable, their fears. I sense their assumptions, their judgments. I sense their lack of awareness and acceptance because it's easier to say nothing at all and look away than to become educated and supportive. 

Frankly, I don't give a shit about having small talk with strangers who I can already sense their feelings of disinterest, but what I do care about is the message that they're sending to their own children, especially when it pertains to acceptance of others differences. 

Right now, Autumn has no clue that the rejected behaviors displayed by other children can be hurtful. That's the beauty behind her autism- she keeps going and going. Nothing or no one is going to damper her spirits or make her feel less. No one, right now, at this moment, but as her mom, I'm fearful for her future and how humans can be towards one another. Will someday she realize this behavior and start to think to herself "what is wrong with me?" I'm praying that she doesn't, that the autistic side of her keeps her innocent, unknowing of the hurtfulness and pain that can be caused by others words, their assumptions, fears, and rejections. I want her to always stay my happy, strong-willed, confident girl who doesn't become broken by the unrealistic expectations of a glorified, very selfish society like many who are reading this have. 

For instance, yesterday in conversation, my mom stated that I was so much like Autumn when I was young. The little girl who always included everyone. The little girl who loved people, who cared and tried to make friends with all only to be pushed to the side and rejected by others because I rocked, I dressed different, was "weird" (that was the start). Mom said it's because my emotions were so easy to read in my face and people could possibly read them and know which buttons to push. So for the past decade, I've worked on portraying the "tough girl, I won't take crap from anyone" persona, a fighter, someone always having to justify and stand up for herself and the people around her even if that meant loosing friends in the process. And boy, has it been exhilarating and empowering. My confidence in life has never been better. I look at myself in the mirror daily and smile because I love me. It just stinks that it's taken me this long to be in this place in order to love myself again. 

Being a fighter for most of my life has been exhausting though. I'm at the point that I just don't want to do it anymore, but now I find myself not really fighting for myself as much, but fighting for my daughter. Whether that "fight" is with her teachers and therapists, our family members, coworkers, strangers, other kids parents, the battles continue. However, I'm learning to also pick and choose which battles to go into as some things are better left unsaid and some battles will never be won, no matter how hard I try. 

My husband often compares my personality to the main character from the movies, "Kill Bill 1 & 2". I suppose the heart in me is definitely like "the black mamba" as I would do anything to protect Autumn and that no one is going to get in my way. That will never change. She's one of the great loves of my life. 

Overall, I can only hope that as she grows up, she won't allow others to tear her down like I did. That she'll be stronger than I ever was. That she won't need reassurance or justification for the choices she makes in life and damn it, she won't give two shits if those kids don't want to play with her or join her in her own adventures. I want her to be the girl who continues to include everyone, to love others despite their differences, to accept all and to continue to show how much good is within the world and that people with autism CAN be anything they want in life and that they won't be defined by the DSM or a bunch of assumptions made by an uneducated and fearful society. She will be it all, believe me, she already is! Look at her, tell me she isn't special, tell me she isn't good enough, beautiful enough,  just try...good luck!

Xoxo,

Trish

(Aka Mama Butterfly, Grizzly Bear, Bald Eagle...Lionesss...yeah you get the point 😉) 

 

Missing Autumn

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I've been missing Autumn so much since she's started full-day school this past September. 

I find myself keeping busy just to pass the time. 

Work? Check.

House Cleaned? Check.

Errands Completed? Check.

Exercise time? Check.

I guess this is what it must feel like when the little birdies leave the nest. 

I thought that I would be happier with her at school all day only to find myself more lonelier than before. I keep checking the clock as to when she'll be home. I keep holding my breath and closing my eyes hoping time will fly by until she's home with me again. I keep finding myself surrounded by the memories of our lives once prior, just her and me home together, therapy appointments, lunch dates, and lots of Disney Frozen. 

Damn, change sucks. Maybe I should get another puppy or have another baby, but I know that they won't change the fact that Autumn is growing up too darn fast on me. Still, might help mend my broken heart. 

So I've been dealing with my grief and loneliness of being separated from my sweet Autumn belle by staying as insanely busy as possible so that I don't find myself crying to myself throughout the day. Thank goodness for my work families and a house always needing to be cleaned. 

What to do, what to think... Is this feeling normal? My OCD states otherwise. The silver lining in this all is that as cliché as this may sound, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Thus, when we're together, we make the best of our afternoons and evenings. I'm trying my best to cherish those moments. Even the screaming meltdown ones because as crazy as this sounds, I sometimes miss them too now.

Overall, I'm trying to adapt to the new changes in our lives, but it hasn't been easy for me. I'm back to feeling depressed most days with the summer pool season over and the fall leaves/melancholy weather here to stay. 

However, Autumn is doing much better than me for sure. Who would've thought right? Well I kind of knew she'd be alright and me stuck being the blubbery mess of a helicopter parent that I am. As difficult it has been for me to let go more and more for her to grow and become independent, I know it's the change that SHE needs in order to prosper in her life. Still, I'm allowed to miss my baby girl. 

Thus butterflies, enjoy your babies. Hold them, hug them, love them, and never take the time you have with them for granted because one day they will leave you and once they do, they'll never look back like we do wishing they were little again. Enjoy those memories too. Capture them in pictures. Lots of selfies and lots of love and laugher too. Like the one:

Xoxo,

Trish, aka- a crying, sappy probably overbearing mama bear who loves her Autumn belle more than life itself. 

Things NOT to Say to Special Needs Parents

Being a special needs parent to an autistic child, I often receive comments in regards to my child as well as intriguing questions from others. Most comments and questions have been sincere, but there's those few that drive me up the wall bonkers. The ones that make me want to roll my eyes and take deep breaths before responding. Here are some of my favorite ones (insert my eye roll). 

1. "She's so beautiful. She doesn't look Autistic."- Autism doesn't have "a look". Then again, all special needs and autistic individuals are some of the most beautiful humans on earth. I guess they're the closest things to Angels. 

2. "She'll be okay. She'll grow out of it."- Really? Are you sure about that? I didn't realize Autism is something that someone can "grow out of". It's a neurological disorder, which means it affects the brain and is LIFELONG. So for those of you who can't accept that someone you may care about/love won't "grow out of it", well I'm suggesting that you start. 

3. "My kid does (insert behavior) too."- Yes, there's going to be overlap in behaviors that special needs/ autistic individuals may share with their neurotypical peers, but chances are, those behaviors that you say your child does, he/she will be able to overcome them or they're not consistent/an everyday occurrence. Many special needs/autistics have to be taught to overcome some of their behaviors...easier said than done. 

4. "She's had all of this therapy. Is she at least talking/getting better?" - Progress is progress no matter how slow it may seem. To ask a question like this seems rather insulting to parents, especially to those of them whose child may not be progressing at the rate someone else "expects" them to progress. Parents and therapists as well as the child work diligently to master certain goals. Never undermine their progress. 

5. "She seems so great right now. She really doesn't appear to be autistic." -This one is probably my favorite and I know that people say this one because they're trying to make me feel better I suppose. However, just because someone has a brief interaction with a special needs child on a good day, doesn't mean this is 24/7, because it's not. Maybe they seem great right now because they're in their home or doing something they love. Or maybe they're doing so well because of all of the help and therapies they're receiving. Never pacify the work that the family/child has achieved. Saying the above line sometimes feels like receiving a slap in the face because it feels as if one believes my child never needed all of this help to begin with and again, another way of pacifying her autism. If my child is doing well, it's taken much time and patience to get to the place that she's currently at. It wasn't an easy journey to say the least. 

6. "Relax. Let her be a kid. You don't need to be on top of her all of the time."-Okay (insert my sarcastic laugh). Unless you're a parent or know what it's like to have a child who has zero fear of danger, shut your mouth. Do you honestly think I personally enjoy having to watch my child like a hawk whenever we're out anywhere public such as when we're at the park or on the beach? It's a little difficult to relax when my child is a known bolter and has zero fear of danger. This can also be said for many special needs parents. Does the term "hypervigilant" ring a bell? If not, go research that one. 

7. "If I had her for a day, I bet I can make her do xyz." -Please, I would LOVE the help. If you can get her to eat such and such and stop screaming because of sensory overload in a day, I promise that I'll pay for that dream vacation you always desired. Saying such lines to special needs parents isn't helpful. It's downright rude and again, undermines our children and our parenting. We're trying our best and the last thing we need is to hear how you're going to "cure" our child.

8. "I heard that autism comes from (insert latest findings). Did you take that/do that while you were pregnant?" - Even though Autism has been around for years, there's little that we know as to what truly causes Autism, but most research suggest genetics with some environmental variations. So to ask if there's something I did or another mother did while pregnant gives us the assumption that we caused our kids to be autistic or have special needs. Just let that one sit in for a minute. Re-read the question and imagine how rude that sounds and hurtful. There's NOTHING I did or my other special needs moms and dads did to cause their child to be autistic/have special needs. Autism is like one's hair color. Some will have it, others won't. Just like some are blonde and others are brunette. Genetics 101 baby. As complex as that. 

9. "I know so and so's child, cousin, neighbor and they do xyz. How come your child does/doesn't do that?" - Ladies and gentleman, autism is a spectrum, which means that just because my child exhibits certain characteristics and the other person you've encountered that's autistic as well does something else, doesn't mean they're both more or less autistic. Thus, Autism Spectrum is as broad as a beautiful rainbow. The variations/autistic characteristics will differ pending each individual. Just because he doesn't act like "rain man" or she isn't a "Temple Grandin" doesn't mean they're not autistic. Don't compare one Autistic person to another. Just don't compare period.

10. "Will she be okay? I mean what does her future look like? Will she be able to do xyz?". -I know when people ask me this question, it does come from a place of concern. However, just like anyone, I don't know what my child's future holds. All I can do is continue to support her growth no matter what and stay positive. That's all any special needs parents can do: continue to have faith that things will get better in time and that our children will be okay as long as they have the supports they need set in place.

My last one:

11. "How do you do it? I give you so much credit...I could never..." -Ummm thanks, but I have no choice. This is my life and if anyone else had dealt the same cards, they too would adapt. You do what you gotta do. I am no more better a parent than anyone else out there. I love my child and will continue to take care of her autistic or not. I made the decision to become a parent. I'm in this for the long haul. The same can be said about every single special needs parent I know. They are some of the strongest people out there. The only thing that's missing is their cape, but they'd say the same thing: they have no choice, but to parent their children, special needs or not, with love, respect and kindness. 

Lastly, instead of asking the above questions/making some of the comments above, my best advice is to say/ask this one to the special needs parent in your life:

"You definitely have your plate full. Is there anything that I can do to help? I'm here for you, even if it's just someone to listen. You're doing such an amazing job. (Insert child's name) is so lucky to have you as their parent. Again, what can I do to help."

Asking to help will go a long way. Special needs parents often feel isolated and alone so reaching out is extremely important and will carry its weight in gold. My response will always be: "sure, I need an unlimited supply of coffee and perhaps some babysitting once in a while? That would be nice. Thank you." 

Xoxo,

Trish 

Hypervigilance is Real

It's 2am and the sounds of rustling are heard over the static of the baby monitor that set her off like an alarm clock to start one's day. Awaken, she looks up and there is her precious daughter standing at the edge of her door. Thankfully, she climbs into bed with her, but what if? What if she decided to open the latch on the French doors and went outside? What if mom didn't wake up because she didn't hear that noise? What if, as things could always be worse. Mom always waits to go back to sleep once she's asleep because these thoughts plague her mind. 

Raising a child with autism who has a tendency to bolt, can cause much anxiety for the parents, in which that anxiety can turn "helicopter parenting" into something more along the extremes of Hypervigilance. 

Now for those reading this and asking themselves, "what is hypervigilance?" It's a term often used for those who have an extreme heightened sense of their surroundings, who, often times, scan for dangers and threats. This is something that unfortunately many who suffer from PTSD go though, especially our soldiers. I had read about this condition and how some parents of autistic individuals also suffer from this and it hit me like a ton of bricks: It is something that as a parent to an autistic child I suffer from and I hate it. 

I don't want anyone reading this to think I'm comparing the stress levels of being a parent to a child with autism to that of a soldier here, this is just going by my own personal experience and feelings. 

As Autumn grows older, I've become more hypervigilant when it pertains to her overall safety. It is incredibly difficult for me to relax and let my guard down. Wherever we go, I am constantly scanning places and imagining the "worst case scenarios" and what I need to do, prepare myself, if they occur. I spend much of my time making sure said bad things don't occur/happen to Autumn and It's not a life that I want to live, but it's one of the only ways I can keep my daughter safe. This is about her overall safely here, which has turned me into a constant watchdog since Autumn still struggles with understanding forms of danger. 

As I meet more parents of special needs children and autistics, I'm learning that these feelings I have are typical of most of us. We can't go anywhere without worry and frustration of the "what if" triggers, the potential for meltdowns, bolting, and the judgments of a society that isn't built to accommodate our children. We are constantly fighting, advocating, and appear overbearing, uptight, as well as anxious because of the fears and worry we have once our sight leaves theirs. Even at home, relaxation isn't always achieved.

For instance, for us, dinner time is the worst, as there are so many triggers that may set Autumn off and into a frenzy. I try my best to make it a stress-free experience, but it usually never works out that way. If her food touches one another, too much light, sound, words being said, etc., it can trigger her to scream bloody murder and meltdown. She also sometimes starts to choke on her food because of over stuffing and we have to remind her to take small bites and to drink her juice when she eats too much. Even when we eat separately, there's problems. Each evening is different so these "meltdowns" can be inconsistent and unpredictable. Then there's going out anyplace outside of our home. Anytime she hears a child make a loud noise, she will scream and put her hands over her ears. Each and every time. 

I haven't even gotten started on me leaving Autumn for a second to go to the bathroom or clean up the dishes. I find her doing things that could truly hurt her (climbing on furniture, trying to pull the blinds open, etc.). Then there's her running and bolting. Even in our backyard we have to stay on top of her. It can be exhausting chasing her all over the place. It still feels like we have a two year old and not a four year old who may listen when we tell them to "stop" or "come here". Even leaving her with others hasn't been easy (thank goodness for background checks and Facebook stalking to make sure people, including her teachers, are legit.). 

I'm sure some of you may be thinking I'm being overprotective, overdoing it, paranoid, etc.,. Well walk a mile in my shoes and maybe you'd understand. This is what most parents of special needs children and adults go through on a daily basis. I haven't even brushed the surface here. Hypervigilance for parents and caregivers raising special needs individuals is real. I wish I could change it about me. I wish I could just let go and let be, and believe me, I'm doing better, but it's  taken me time to get there. I hope that one day I can truly let my guard down and trust Autumn and others who care for her. I wish I could just go someplace and not have to fear for her safety or explain why I hover over her because of my own fears of her getting hurt (like down the shore or at the park) as I have to constantly remind her and teach her about safety and danger risks as she still doesn't comprehend them like maybe a typical child would.

Sometimes it's just easier to not expose ourselves to certain risks, but as a therapist, I know the only way I can overcome these obstacles within is to face them head on. It hasn't been easy to say the least. I also know that Hypervigilance is a form of anxiety, in which I suffer from but have made great strides overcoming. However, since having Autumn and her autism diagnosis, it's starting to creep back up again. This is why I exercise. This is why I meditate. This is why I write a blog and consult with my therapist colleagues, family and friends. 

I wish I can tell other parents who are also going though this that it will get better in time. That the anxiety and Hypervigilance will go away, but it's easier said than done. As a community, we need more supports for parents and caregivers. We need to come together and help one another and say that it's okay to feel this way, but it's not a constant way to live and what can we do to change this or at least decrease being on edge all of the time. I wish I had more answers. 

So for those who are reading this, who know parents raising special needs children that seem to be struggling with some of the similarities that I've shared above, my best advice is to ask them how you can help and to stop your judgments. Us special needs parents already have to endure so much and often times feel isolated and alone. We need help sometimes too even though we may act like were okay and have everything together. 

Lastly, this post has been extremely difficult for me to write and has taken me some time to do so. This is part of my reality that I wish I could change. It's a battle that I'm uncertain as to when it will end. All I can do is share my story in hopes that they help others going through similar battles know that they're not alone. 

Xoxo,

Trish 

"The journey's often uncertain as that is life."

Autumn's Paradise: Vacationing "Down the Shore"

"There's a place that she calls her own, which feels similar to home. Where the waves glisten in the sun as they crash down onto her tiny feet. Sand in her hair, everywhere, caked onto her skin, but she doesn't care. She loves the feeling of water and sand as she runs freely during low-tide. This is a place that she can finally be free. Where no one sees her autism, just a young girl enjoying the sea. This is a place that may be simple to you and me, but to Autumn, it's her kind of paradise and where she's meant to be."-Trish P., Autumn's Paradise

Summertime tends to be when many families take vacation. A years worth of planning jammed into one week of fun surrounded by the people they love. Some go to amusement parks, popular beaches, the mountains, all-inclusive resorts, cruises. Some travel by airplane, pack up the car and leave towards their destinations at 3am as the kids sleep soundly, or if they're like me, wide awake full of excitement. Then there are those of us who choose to stay close to home or plan day trips because it can be too expensive to go anywhere for a week during the summer months. Plus, sometimes the familiar is bliss. 

This year, I really wanted to go on a family vacation. I researched destination spots, calculated numbers, looked at weeks that the husband could use his vacation time, etc.,. In the end, we spent our time at my husband's grandfather's shorehouse. A place that I've grown to love and feel incredibly blessed and spoiled to have within my and my family's life. A house that has been in his family for well over sixty years. A house that survived the destruction of Superstorm Sandy barely damaged. A place filled with memories of happier times. It's where my husband spent every waking moment each summer as a child, where he proposed, and where our daughter felt the ocean water for the first time in her infant life. 

Going "down the shore" (how we Jersey folks say it) has become my daughter's favorite place in the entire world. Just like her father, she's addicted to the ocean waves. She's able to run and play and be a kid. Still, I have to keep a constant eye on her as she's a known bolter and she still doesn't understand the power of water, thus her safety is always a top priority while were there. I often spend time portraying goalie on the shoreline as she runs after the seagulls or wants to spend time in the water. No beach bums here, were in the water. No relaxing for this family, were walking along the shore looking for sea glass or in my case, keeping constant watch of Autumn. And they said going to the beach is "the easy life", not when your Autumn's mom and Autumn makes the energizer bunny look like a turtle as to how busy she is along the shoreline. My fitbit goes into overdrive the days were at the beach!

I'll be honest, going down the shore wouldn't have been my first destination of choice mainly because of the above. Add the outsiders asking intrusive questions, Autumn's random sensory triggers and it becomes exhausting to the point that I can't wait to leave and take a vacation from my vacation! 

However, the silver lining of it all and my entire point here is despite how I personally feel, despite the exhaustion, the questions, possible judgments, the drive (oh don't get me started, one word: GSP, Jersey people know my pain), seeing her little face light up and smile whenever her toes touch the sand and water is worth every moment of my personal discomforts. 

For instance, for a few brief moments, Autumn would grab my hand and the two of us would walk the shoreline together. No words. Just the two of us taking in the views and smells of the ocean breeze. I looked down at her as she looked up at me with a grin on her face that said, "I'm having a great time!" and then she let go of my hands and ran to the nearest water pool, jumping and splashing her little feet. Then there's the sitting in the sand building sandcastles together down by the water's edge (more like mountains, but who's judging). Autumn would take a break from digging to sit her wet, sandy self in my lap giving me her pressure squeezes. Despite my own sensory system going into overdrive, to be able to sit with my girl and enjoy that moment is something that I'll cherish forever. These are the memories that I'll take with me into old age. The ones that I'll look back on and smile and forget the hard moments, but just the good ones. 

Thus, vacations aren't easy. We forget about the kids being off-balanced, the meltdowns, tantrums, overpriced items, and the long lines, as we filter out the negative and only choose to remember the outcome and positives moments.

Maybe I didn't get that "dream family vacation" away to someplace exotic, what I got was even better: a daughter within her own version of paradise and that's pretty darn perfect. Plus, I had a great time and the best part of it all, Autumn did as well! 

Xoxo,

Trish