On Saturday, the hubby slept in until 10am, whereas I was up since 7:45 (that was sleeping in to me) and did some odds and ends around the house. Once the hubs got out of bed, we went to the local bagel place for breakfast (I really love their bagels) and then came home and enjoyed the sun and scenery on our upstairs deck. I seriously can't wait until the weather gets warmer and it's summer time. I am so looking forward to many more times sitting on the deck, drinking some coffee and enjoying the morning. We also have a house guest. A momma sparrow has decided to make a nest underneath the auning of our top deck for her babies and herself. I love watching her as she flies to an fro with little earth worms and sits in her home ever so quietly. Oh the simple things in life.
After enjoying some quiet time together reminiscing the last 11 plus years of our relationship, we got to work on the house, cleaning everything from top to bottom. There's nothing like spending your anniversary together cleaning. I loved it because I love a clean house. Anywho, Belle came home to us around 5pm and we both were eagerly awaiting her arrival. We missed our little sassy girl.
Once home and settled, she had her typical dinner of chicken tenders, applesauce and another side and then we ended the evening with a tv show before she fell asleep in my arms for the night. Oh how I will miss these moments as she grows older...
Easter, I thought, was a good day. Belle woke up to her Easter basket and was so giddy. She took all of her stuff out and lined them up, even the chocolate eggs! It was so adorable to watch. When family arrived, she was even more spoiled with more Easter baskets and items from her grandparents and uncle/aunt; this child is truly blessed.
During our cleanfest the day prior, I had filled up plastic eggs with candy for miss Autumn belle to "hunt" while outside on Easter when family arrived. Matt spread them all out and it was really nice to see him so into doing something for a holiday. Well, as expected, she wasn't interested in the egg hunt. She was more interested in her swing and throwing Leah's balls down by the rocks that surround the above ground pool. That's my girl. At least we tried right??
After the family left and we were settled in for the night, we got to talking and of course the "disappointment" and "comparison" came up but this time from the spouse. I totally understand why the hubby was feeling the way he was and that's well and good but to me, Sunday was a hit. Family got to see how far she's coming along. We also got to witness another "first": Autumn repeating and getting into a movie (frozen) by trying to say/sing along with the characters. I tried my best to hold back the tears because it wasn't that long ago where I questioned if she'd ever like Disney movies let alone try and sing along with them.
Anyways, we talked about our feelings and maybe it was my so-called revelation a couple of weeks back, but lately I've been more accepting and relaxed about Autumn in general. I am trying to not let her autism define who she is and what she's capable of doing. I don't want to focus on what she's "not" doing, but rather her successes. I feel that were already inundated with the "nots" that a big part of me just wants to scream "stop it!!" to family, her therapists, my husband and even myself. Maybe it's also because I'm running on co-pilot most days that I am starting to feel burned out with her therapies and all that I have to do so that she "fits in" with regular society. Part of me wants to pretend that she's fine and there's no need for integration. I just want her to be a typical two year old (soon three) with no expectations attached. So yeah, I find myself not getting worked up over a easter egg hunt or a playground meltdown. To me, they've become insignificant for now.
For instance, yesterday we decided to have one of her therapies at a playground. It was a welcomed change as her one therapist got to see her in a social setting, tantrum and all. I was very relaxed and honestly didn't give a crap if she got upset or annoyed that we were there. I really thought I heard her mutter "go away"! At first I was like, "did she really say that?". I laughed because that is what most kids who just want to play would say. They don't want mom or the therapist there trying to "help" them. They want to be around the other kids or just be free of expectations and demands. It was also in those moments shortly after that I realized, this is the beginning of her wanting independence socially and how proud I was of her because, this is typical. This is what we want our kids to be able to do. I smiled as she ran off and I looked on, but as always, she came right back to me. That's my job as a mom is to let her spread her wings and fly and I will be there for her when she needs my love and guidance. Such a proud mommy moment.
Friday is our ID meeting with the school district (eye roll). More "nots" and "others thoughts" can't wait! I am going to stay strong and proactive. The fact that they got us to even consider the referral process is a big deal. Well see what happens. Until then, happy Wednesday!
Xoxo,
Trish
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