As those who are following know, Autumn currently has EI services an average of seven times a week and here in NJ, EI ends when the child turns three. I wish they would extend EI to five, but it is what it is. Once a child here in NJ turns three, their local school district takes over their services.
Now we live in an up and coming town that is known for it's school system. It was one of the many reasons why we decided to move to this town in the first place. Thus my decision to enroll my daughter in their special needs program would be a no brainer right? Well when you're me, it's not. I am having a difficult time with this "five days a week", even if it's half days, at the age of three. I just can't grasp or get around this idea that it's consumed me a bit. Plus, I am not going to lie, I am scared to have her go to school so young mainly because I won't be there to watch her and protect her if needed. I will have to trust her teachers to do so.
Despite my personal fears, I already know what I need to do for Autumn. I've thought about starting her when she's three in a half or at four. I've thought about just having her go to a regular preschool program that would allow them to wear diapers if still not potty trained. So my search for that latter has begun.
I figure twice a week, even three times a week wouldn't hurt her to go when she's three. It would give her a chance to learn and make friends while I had time to run errands and to do whatever I had to do while she was gone.
Back to the preschool tour from yesterday. We went and I really liked the setting (new building and clean), the preschool teachers seemed lovely and the class sizes yesterday were on the smaller end. However, the main drawback was the huge set of stairs, like the Gone With the Wind staircase that Autumn would have to walk up and down on a daily basis. I am not comfortable with the idea of that. Plus, the director stated that class sizes would range up to 14 kids per class. That doesn't sound like a lot but all I kept hearing was Belle's neurologist in the back of my head stating what he told me at her follow up appointment back in February. Could the staff handle Belles needs and most importantly, would she become overly stimulated in a larger classroom setting? These were things I had to think about.
So on our way out, the director mentioned that she does have experience with children who have Autism. Mind you all, I never said anything to her about Autumn's diagnosis just that she had a speech delay. I wanted her to come to her own judgment about my daughter without any labels attached. So being the blunt person I am, I asked her if she suspected that my daughter was on the spectrum. Making the person uncomfortable, she nodded and then I told her that yes, my daughter does have a diagnosis of autism and then I asked her if she knew and she said "I've been doing this for over twenty years, yes I could tell because xyz...". Then I proceeded to ask if she felt professionally if her preschool would be a good fit for Autumn due to her needing extra attention and she stated that she would be willing to give her a try but if it wasn't working out that she would let us know, that she's not about getting kids enrolled, etc.
I was very impressed with this woman. She was educated and very professional from a preschool standpoint. Because of her experience, she could tell that Autumn was different from the other kids primarily due to her disconnection and lack of expressive language. As soon as we walked into the preschool class with the other kids, Autumn could care less for them or the teacher. Now it's actually very interesting observing her with new kids in a different setting. The children were very interested and curious to learn about her. Autumn only wanted to play with the toy truck and explore the room. I would find this typical of most children, but she definitely wasn't engaged with the children or adults present even after numerous attempts to get her to look at them and to have her say hello/bye. In addition, the constant moving back and forth, the hand flapping (Autumn does this from time to time), the resistant behaviors, and all of those traditional "autistic traits" many of you already know, this woman could see yesterday within the half hour we were there.
Which brings me to the conclusion: is Autumn's autism/autistic traits that easy to point out? I never realized it could be until yesterday. I also realized something else, a reality that I've been surpressing for a long time now and in denial to a certain extent myself: regular preschool will probably never be an appropriate option for my daughter. She IS different than the other kids and does require extra help and services and as much as I would love for her to be around children who are meeting their milestones on time, I don't think it would be fair to them or to Autumn if I put her in that preschool setting at the age of three. Thus, as I take a deep breath in, exhale, I say, she will be going to the school districts program. That's where she belongs and maybe it sounds like I am giving up on the idea of "normal", but I know within my heart to hearts that she deserves to be in a setting with trained professionals who are special educators and with peers similar to herself.
Will I start her at three? This is something I will have to figure out in time but more than likely, I will start her in the fall (throat swallow) five days a week, half days. She will also have private speech and OT outside of school as well.
My revelation has always been there in the back of my mind, but that saying "seeing is believing" well after yesterday's meeting and tour, I just knew that I needed to put my silly pride aside and do what's best for my daughter. I should also mention that yesterday's encounter was just one of the many things that I've observed over the past six months in a public setting so wasn't like "oh yes this is the reason why my daughter should go to the special ed preschool", it was the icing on the cake.
Lastly, as a professional, I know that the earlier a child receives intervention and therapy/extra services, the chances of them living a normal life increases due to being able to manage any negative behaviors/symptoms associated with their diagnosis. Thus, I should know that since Autumn has been progressing so well, that it must continue and I would be doing her a disservice if I don't do what's best for her. So what if she has to be in special ed classes for the first few years of her school life? I would rather her now than later on when she may have more profound symptoms and difficulty within her coursework due to not providing the services she requires to help her excel.
In the coming months I will have the meeting with our coordinator and the school system. Autumn will then go through more tests and then her IEP. I laugh because I never thought I'd be on the other side of the table (the parent side). It will be interesting to say the least.
Until then, we will continue on. Happy Friday to all.
Pic of the week:
Xoxo,
Trish
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